Because of my introverted personality, I’ve never considered having friends of great importance. Which is really silly on my part. Due to some of my personality flaws, I have lost friends, this is by not knowing how to deal with awkward or difficult situations. I found it easier just to push them right out of the door.
In a few instances I do regret doing this, as I have lost some truly great friends, but it’s my own fault that I didn’t value them more. These days I 100% appreciate the people in my life. I will do what I can to be a good friend to them and be more open as a person, so they genuinely know who I am. It may sound strange, but in the past I have found it very difficult letting people get to know me. I’d be vague and evasive and give off as little as possible. I was secretive and I did anything to avoid confrontation, or what I considered unwanted advice from others. I also felt that I didn’t want to share aspects of my life, because I was paranoid that I’d become the subject of gossip.
I didn’t trust anyone, so I kept everyone at arms length. I did this because then if anything bad were to happen, I could just say “I told you so” to myself. Expecting the worst from every friendship I had.
Over the last few years I’ve learnt that this is not a good way to be. Trusting people doesn’t have to be scary, you have to give a little, or when you’re feeling lonely you’ll only have yourself to blame.
I am now way more open that I used to be. I’m still not completely unlocked and I don’t think I ever will be. I think a little self protection is warranted, but I am by no means as closed off as I used to be and I’m happier this way.
The friends I have in my life I would not want to be without. They accept me and my oddities for what they are and don’t judge me. We have tons in common and I feel like I have support if ever I needed it and I would be there for them if ever they need me too. My new dynamic makes me feel like I have grown as a person and if it wasn’t for all of the lovely people in my life, I don’t think I’d be feeling as good as I do these days.
Until next time, stay awesome!