In order to make a new start, we need a plan and then we need action to put the plan into fruition. There are many hurdles to leap before we can actually say that we are making a new start. Sometimes we fall at the first hurdle. We decide upon something new and as soon as we don’t see it, we think we have failed.
I’m only now realising that this is the case, for me at least. Having the things I want so out of reach and this huge list in front of me, telling me what I need to do before I can even get onto that path that leads me to where I want to go.
I’ve been stuck in limbo for the last five years, feeling desperate to belong. Longing to call somewhere my home. I don’t have the simple capability of slowing down sometimes and I end up overwhelming myself and it’s a recipe for disaster.
For a long time I thought love was the answer, but in my pursuit for love I ended up losing myself. Now that I have finally taken my life back, I realise that I needed to love myself before I could let real love into my life.
I used chase that fairy tale ending, but what I failed to see was that it is the journey that is important. It is now that counts. For me it was easier living in a fantasy world than to realise that I was just lost and alone.
One hopes that with experience we can learn from our past blunders and can begin to decipher what is the real deal from what we are choosing to believe because it feels better than loneliness.
Now I can say I’m on the right path. It is a long road ahead, but as long as I try to stay grounded and not rush to the finish line, I think I can finally make it to where I want to be in life. It’s going to be tough. I might end up with my happily ever after, but I have to remember that there is life beyond that and it needs consistency. As much as I love the special moments, those temporary highs have gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past when I’ve come crashing back down to earth.
I don’t think I’ll leave my fantasy world completely, but if I do find I have my head in the clouds, I will just have to make sure I have my feet on the ground.
Until next time, believe in yourself and don’t let that first hurdle get you down!