Maybe things can go right

Hello friends,

I hope you are well and the world is turning in your favour.

At this point I do not know exactly what I am going to write about, I just know that I feel like writing and hopefully something good will come of it.

I feel a sense of calm that is a rarity I hardly have the privilege of feeling and it is nice. I think the medication I have been given to curb my anxiety is doing a great job of helping me find middle ground.

I am at a potentially stressful time in my life, the good kind of stress, the moving on. I can sense right at the back of my mind all the worries that are dying to get out and come to the forefront of my thoughts. They are practically screaming for me to notice them, but for one reason or another I am able to keep them back there long enough in the day to feel normal. I have to admit, it feels good.

I always worried that taking medication would alter my overall being, but in all honesty I do not think anything has changed about my true self except my neurotic persona. I think this is a mixture of the medication aiding me and having that down time to be able to process things with the balance I have needed for so long. I do not solely rely on the pills and I can say this with proof as last week I was on antibiotics and when I was taking them I was not taking my medication and I still felt I had that balance.

I believe I have a long way to go before I can call myself “cured”. A trip to the local shop the other day caused me to have the uncontrollable shakes. I was simply walking down the street and my nerves got the better of me, I could feel my jaw clench up and the only way I could calm down was by digging my fingernails into my palm. I have seen my GP a couple of times and they suggest I seek talk therapy. They wanted to put me on SSRI tablets, but it was not an option as I was not available to be monitored. To be honest I am glad, because these are the pills I think a person must rely on and I do not think I have the strength for that.

With all that being said, my point is the medication is doing better than I had hoped and it is a step in the right direction.

My second thought is I have decided to branch out. What you may not know about me is my hobby is gaming. It has been since childhood and there is a lot I want to say about the subject. I do not think that kind of content is relevant for my already hodgepodge blog, so I have decided I will be making a second blog solely for gaming. I do not know whom of my readers are as interested as I am, which I am going to make it a separate thing. It is only in concept stage at the moment, I do not even have a name. If you would be interested when it is up and running let me know and I will link it at the time.

Well, I think that is enough babbling for today. I hope whatever you get up to, you have the best time possible.

Until next time, Happy Autumn!

-Sara

 

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109 Comments

      1. you need to undelete that….you may not believe….for example….whenever I hear or see the song Frozen by Madonna….I am just lost…..there are many similar songs….that may have different type of effects on different people…..

        Liked by 2 people

  1. Things can and sure do go right. I’ve had my struggles with depression and anxiety as well, thanks to an inherited thyroid disease. I have some linguring symptoms yet, but at least the depression and anxiety seems to be under control. Stay positive and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Thanks for sharing this! You articulate it well. I know exactly what you mean when you talk about whether medication would change your “true self.” The true self and the psychological mind, I would argue, are not the same thing at all. Psychology is tied to chemistry and biology, but I believe our true being is more than that. Taking medication should no more change who you are than replacing rotten floorboards would change the purpose of a house.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Awesome to hear that things are getting better / are better.

    It is good to know that one can be off the meds for short period of time without the symptoms roaring back. I would add a cautionary note from personal experience: it is easy to start thinking that the lack of symptoms means one doesn’t need them any more. This is not to say there will be never a time when the meds aren’t necessary. It is just as easy to believe one can never wean oneself off the meds.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Don’t want to imply you didn’t know that.. Next month I have to go through a procedure where I can’t be on my meds for a week prior to it and a few days after. So I’m probably in part talking to myself. In my past I have struggled on subconscious level with accepting my dependence on those tiny pills.

        Liked by 2 people

  4. Thank you for writing. I decided to stop taking my meds a while back. I felt cloudy and decided that it was better to feel my feelings than have something chemical blocking them. I’ve been pretty ok, but still have meltdowns sometimes. Maybe I can still be me and fully feel everything while on them? Not sure yet, honestly. But thank you for making my wheels turn…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think it may perhaps be a case of trial and error. This is the first time I have taken such medication and I have been lucky to get something suitable. I don’t know too much about what pills are available but maybe something milder that you don’t have to commit to taking religiously might help? The ones I take I only take As and when I need them, so I kind of feel like I have a safety net just in case. I do tend to take one or two throughout the day just to steady myself, but I know if there is a time I don’t, there won’t be any side effects.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Thanks for sharing your experience with medication. It’s helpful to have these discussions, I think, if for no other reason than to chip away at the stigma. My medication story is wrapped up with getting sober, and that’s a whole different kettle of fish. Anyway, I’m a gamer, too, and would be interested in your thoughts on gaming. Keep us posted.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. i have been asking the same thing over at my noggin. The only thing that helps me is reading an old book, or any of my collection and really disecting it at its core. then see what i can come up and apply all basic know how. I do hope this helps on your writing. What kind of gaming, online offline, console or tabletop?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Delightful babbling Sara!
    The only thing I have to add is that after a brief period of anxiety in my life (3-4 mths) one must use whatever methods possible to calm the monster. The surges of adrenaline are biochemical betrayals that may need gentle pharmaceutical infusions for balance. I’m pleased you are finding yourself stepping in the right direction; I foresee you moving from strength to strength.
    As for me, I will kindly not be following your gaming blog because there are two things I have inherent weaknesses concerning: gambling and gaming! I know full well my addictive personality would run wild (from past dabbling). I admire your control and love hearing from you xx

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I wouldn’t be playing any games, but I enjoy talking with you and your reading your posts. I will be glad to see how your gaming site goes. My son is a gamer and animator. He will understand what I don’t. πŸ˜‰ Praying for you on your meds. God loves you no matter what you do or do not take πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Related to nearly all. Discussion amongst the 3rd estate is fantastic. Ultimately I am sure we are all about being well and maximizing our constructive contributions

    Liked by 1 person

  10. ‘The good kind of stress’, I genuinely like the way you chose your words. Life is beautiful but cruel also. In this field, cruelty brings beauty. Great thoughts and I believe the sun will shine one day, that’s what I say it to myself every day.
    Stay fit.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I’m glad things are going well for you and I applaud your courageous honesty on a sensitive topic. I’ve had episodes of depression, but have gone undiagnosed for fear of the same thing…that medication will change the core of me. Fortunately it’s never gotten too bad.
    I used to game quite a bit, but would definitely follow your new blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hope if you find yourself struggling you do seek some kind of help. It doesn’t always have to be medication. I was offered talk therapy too, but I would have had to have been put on a waiting list and I am moving soon and it didn’t work out for me to be able to get it, but it sounds like a great option.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Thank you so much for sharing. I too always have had a hard time relying on medication. But sometimes, you just need it. And I’m so glad you’re finding relief❣️

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I still battle with this myself every time I take anything. My mother, unfortunately left this earth taking too many benzos and drinking on them. So any time I take them, I am extra responsible. It will get easier I tell myself. And hearing or reading, rather, that other people than myself go through these questioning times, is so so helpful. So thank you!

        Liked by 1 person

  13. I’m so glad that you’re getting encouraging results with your medication. I also appreciate your openness about medication, in general. I like to think that your writing is inspiring and gives others hope. I like gaming as well – Primarily PC – so I look forward to seeing your second blog!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Hi Sara, Meds are good if they’re good for as long as they’re needed. Don’t feel like you have to apologize for taking them, in the meantime. I’ve dealt with anxiety quite a bit lately. A little book, titled “Worry Free Living” by Joyce Meyer, helped me start my healing process which is ongoing as you know. Make sure you continue to get enough rest while embarking on your new project. All the best, Monika πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  15. This is the first post I read of yours. But, I am glad I read it. It was what I call brokenly beautiful. I have no idea about what you are going through dear but I pray you stay as strong as I felt you were while writing it and see your life become a beautiful optimistic journey. Wish you lots of love and happiness

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I’m glad to hear you’re doing well. It’s great when medication does what it’s supposed to. πŸ™‚ When I started taking antidepressants, the difference was so subtle I couldn’t tell if it was doing anything for several weeks.

    I am also very interested in your gaming blog! I just started playing WoW with my husband and it feels great to be part of the gaming community again.

    On a completely different note, I nominated you for the Mystery Blogger Award. I know you just made a post about answering questions and I asked some questions there, so if you want to participate in the award thing, maybe you could incorporate that into your question post.

    Hope a great rest of your day. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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