When life throws you curve balls, All… The… Time…

Hello friends,

It saddens me that I missed two days of blogging, I was working on keeping my consistency up, but then of course life got in the way.

Some days it seems appealing to just give up and stop caring. You work hard on yourself, you work hard at life and you begin to think you are getting somewhere and bam, another curve ball, another obstruction, another hurdle.

For too long now I have felt like I am in a maze, hitting every dead end possible and wondering if there is really a way out of is it just a trick, giving me a sliver of hope to get out, but never really finding the escape.

Anxiety hit me last week, after a bit of bad news. Then, I could not shake that off, with it came its unwelcome friend depression and of course I felt like all of my hard work had come undone. One step forwards and ten steps back at this point. I felt, in a way, ashamed that I had to reach for my anxiety medication. It just felt like progress lost. Obviously this is not the case, it is always okay to get help when it is needed. I just thought I had beat it and it brought me down to see how easily it could come back and claim me.

Following the downward spiral came some bad news that a family member was not in a good way and it was a case of waiting for any news from anybody, because I live in a different country from my family and all I could do was wait.

I have felt an enormous amount of guilt recently too. This for the fact that I have moved away and seemingly not much has come in the way of progression. It is out of my hands that the situation happens to be this way and I have done all that I can, but again, the feeling of being stuck has left me feeling useless. This circles me back to what I said at first in this blog about wanting to be consistent. As I am waiting to move forward with my life here in Sweden, I wanted to continue with my writing, I wanted routine and structure, so I did not feel like I was wasting my days. So when I got a spell of anxiety it was tougher to shake off and I got caught in a really uncomfortable cycle.

I am so very lucky to have a kind and understanding partner who listens to me and offers advice where possible. It can not be easy for them to deal with this, because of course it is not just us that deal with our mental health issues, it is those around us too. I am nothing but grateful to have such a strong support system; I would not be where I am today without it.

So, today is another day and all I can do is try and make it a good one. The bouts are getting fewer and further between, which to me is progress and what I need to focus on.

If you are going through a tough time and just need someone to talk to, I am never too far away to listen. You can always send me an email: sarainlalaland@hotmail.com and I will do my best, even if you just need someone to vent to. Nobody should be or feel alone when they are battling the mind and that includes you.

Until next time, stay strong. You are stronger than you think.

-Sara

Feature image by Cherybery

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41 Comments

  1. Spring is coming, and the depression will pass, so don’t worry 🙂 Spend time writing and being creative and enjoy the simple things, like a nice lunch or some fresh air.

    Thanks for sharing what you’re going through, it’s always good to express what’s going on and it helps others, too. It must be difficult at times being in Sweden away from old friends and family, but it’s also good that you’re counting your blessings.

    If you ever want to talk, I have extensive personal experience of anxiety and depression so happy to listen and help if I can.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Hi Sara, thanks for sharing. Sorry you have been feeling a bit lost and low. Life is full of kicks and set backs (Sounds like we may have similar demons 🙂 ) It seems easy to sit hear and write about keeping going and looking forwards but the more I try to do that the better I get at it. It sounds like you are getting stronger so keep it up and, heck, we all miss a day blogging now and again 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I fell you. exactly what I’ve been going through the past few days. let’s just appreciate every little things that surround us now. and be grateful as we are more fortunate as compared to other people who suffered from starvation and some hapless situations. We all have different burdens in life. Its too difficult sometimes but we can overcome it I believe. love you, Sara. I’m here for you too. We’ll get trough with this.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. Hi Sara,
    It’s easy to think that all your hard work has been undone when your anxiety or depression symptoms increase, but moods change and situations, circumstances or experiences can contribute. Feeling sad, worried, concerned, scared etc is a normal reaction, it just may be that with depression and anxiety that reaction is magnified.
    I struggled with this concept for a long time. I wanted to be better. Not just better until something derailed me. I am now more accepting of my changes in mood and although it’s still hard to deal those monumental mood drops at the time, I’m getting better at believing that things will get better.
    You’re doing great x

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been having a tough time. It happens to all of us. Life is cruel like that. We can never get too comfortable. But then again, life is beautiful. These sunny moments, a ray of sunshine would not be so warm if there was not all the darkness and cold surrounding it.

    Don’t feel guilty about being away. You deserve to give YOUR life a chance. I relate to this…

    Feel free to reach out if you need someone to listen or to chat with.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Thank you for calling out your support system. I tend to drown in the wake of my partners anxiety – 3.2 years with depression. Refuses treatment. Very tough. But I am loyal and trying to not enable him- it’s a thin rope I pull myself up with behind the torrents of ugly wirds that fly in my direction.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Sometimes things just suck and it’s completely okay to feel like they suck. I think being able to communicate with people is incredibly helpful and I think you are a wonderful person to offer others a chance to share with you, privately. Sometimes it’s in our giving that we are able to find some solace. Bravo to you, brave woman! 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Sorry you are having such a hard time lately. Grey skies of this time of year don’t help. Don’t worry about not blogging every single day. You do what you can, and when you do blog they’re always great things you have to say, share etc… Biggest hugs for better days ahead!!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Take care and I hope that things will take a better turn for you. I really connected with the part about having to take my anti-anxiety medication sometimes. It really does feel like a failure, but as time as gone by, I realized that these ups and downs are a part of healing. All the best.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. I can relate with your depression part, I used to have all this when I had my depression, especially towards the days where it was about to get “well”. It feels bad not doing something and doing something right. I got lots of mood swings then. It doesn’t feels right on whatever things that one do.

    Push on! You’re great, definitely doing better then I am when I was in that state. We’ll kick off that monster!

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Winter is never easy Spring is coming . I have had my bad days as well keep going though it’s okay to let it grab you but do not let it keep you down get back up and if you have to take the medication for now do it , it’s what its there for . Keep writing and don’t live with regrets . Keep us posted how your doing.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. I really needed to read this and i am so happy i came across your blog. Lately i feel like I am taking one step forward and then 10 back. It is hard to stay hopeful and optimistic at times when this seems to be the pattern. Thank you for your insight and the best of luck to you! xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Hi Sara I can relate to your experiences of anxiety and depression.I suffer with both.Taking medicine is a positive step and can be helpful.I have medicine for my anxiety I take when I need to,it took me a while to accept that it’s OK to take it.I also take anti-depressants.

    Liked by 2 people

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