An old friend

I am currently having a panic attack.

It has been so long that I almost cannot recall ever feeling this way.

I am physically numb. I am dizzy. I can not control my breathing. I can not think straight. Uncontrollable cry. I cannot stop shaking. Heart palpitations. I feel like my head is in a vise clamp. A feeling of great loss. A feeling of complete uncertainty. No emotional connection to anyone or anything. I have stopped caring.

In this moment my body and mind are completely disconnected. Like I am seeing through someone else’s eyes and I do not know where I am.

There is nothing I can do about it. I just have to ride it out.

I am telling you this because anxiety is not a joke. Usually by now I would have chosen to hurt myself, just to get some sort of feeling back in my body, but I will not do that again. So now, I wait.

I know I will not feel this way forever, but right now every second feels like torture.

I am trapped in my own mind.

This is what a panic attack feels like first hand.

65 Comments

  1. Came across this post. Well described…it’s hard to explain sometimes what’s going on inside with things like this. I’ve experienced a measure of this before – I have a thyroid condition and it sends your hormones out of whack. Glad you’re turning to things such as writing as opposed to self-harm. 💗 hopefully you’ve found calm again.

    Liked by 1 person

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