I am currently having a panic attack.
It has been so long that I almost cannot recall ever feeling this way.
I am physically numb. I am dizzy. I can not control my breathing. I can not think straight. Uncontrollable cry. I cannot stop shaking. Heart palpitations. I feel like my head is in a vise clamp. A feeling of great loss. A feeling of complete uncertainty. No emotional connection to anyone or anything. I have stopped caring.
In this moment my body and mind are completely disconnected. Like I am seeing through someone else’s eyes and I do not know where I am.
There is nothing I can do about it. I just have to ride it out.
I am telling you this because anxiety is not a joke. Usually by now I would have chosen to hurt myself, just to get some sort of feeling back in my body, but I will not do that again. So now, I wait.
I know I will not feel this way forever, but right now every second feels like torture.
I am trapped in my own mind.
This is what a panic attack feels like first hand.