I currently find myself confused and overwhelmed. Not for reasons you might think, for the fact that for once in what seems like my entire life, things are going right. I have been working hard to improve myself as a person, to learn and grow, to open myself up to the world and I’m starting to feel accepted elsewhere as well as here on WordPress.
I am beginning to have more good days than bad and it feels great. I tend to have a couple of “come down” days, when the good is just too much to handle. That probably sounds like a strange thing to say, but it is the truth. When you have been through a lot of hardships in life, it is difficult to trust anything good. I have been going against this thought and embracing the good, it does tend to leave me tired though. I believe over time this feeling will change and who knows, maybe good times will be normal for me.
I have been living in limbo for so long that having goals and aspirations again are a God send. I have found that my anxiety is easier to keep at bay and during my depressive stages, I can be more open about it and work on moving past it instead of letting it overtake me.
I have been listening to sleep meditation before bed for the last week or so. The ones I listen to are specifically aimed at tackling anxiety. I tend to not hear too much about what is said during these sessions, because I tend to fall asleep fast when listening to them. I have been experiencing less morning anxiety though, so I will be chalking this up to a win!
A few posts ago, someone mentioned that they would like to see me action the things I said I want to do, instead of just saying I wanted to do them. This stuck with me and I realised they were right. I have written a fair few posts about what I could do to improve, but I was not doing said things. Since then I have been trying a more action based approach and I want to show that in future. Instead of saying “here is what I want to do…” I will be saying “Hey, look what I did!”
All in all, things are looking up. I have plenty of projects and hobbies to keep me occupied and I am starting to genuinely enjoy my time, instead of waiting for time to pass me by.
Some of the projects I am working on of course include my book. I have had a lot of success tying all of the characters together and making the story stronger as a whole. The book has taken a slight change in direction, but the premise remains the same. The book is fully written in my head, I just need to translate that to paper.
I will also be working on a project with a good friend of mine. It is to be an animation that I will write and he will animate. We are still in the concept stage but in time, I think this could be something really great.
Of course you may have read that I started streaming on Twitch; That has been going well and I have already reached my first goal.
As for this blog, it will go as usual, I will share with you as and when the inspiration presents itself.
What about you, how are you getting on? I do hope that all is well. If you are going through a hard time, please do not go through it alone. I am here and I know there are plenty of other people who care to see you doing better.
Until next time, I hope you find a reason to smile today.