Dear Future Me,
I hope that you are well and I hope that during the time between me writing this and you reading it, however far in the future you decide to read this, that you have grown and learnt as much as possible.
I do not have any expectations for you. The most I want is to hear that you are happy and stable. I know you have had a hard time and as I write this now the hard times continue. I also know that you always get through it and by the time you read this, I hope you are in a place where hard times do not leave you defeated.
Sara, you are a strange individual. If I was on the outside looking in, three words I would use to describe you would be ‘neurotic’, ‘confused’ and ‘afraid’. By the time you read this I would love for those words to be ‘accomplished’, ‘brave’ and ‘wise’. I know this is not going to be easy, but nothing worth anything ever is.
You have abandonment issues, that much is clear, but in time you will see that you are in a safe place and you can at least take that off your list of worries. It would be a big weight off your shoulders and you will be doing yourself a huge favour if you realise this sooner than later.
You worry that things are going to go wrong as soon as they are going right. I will tell you for nothing that these thoughts more than likely attract these bad occurrences and so you are doing yourself no favours clogging up your brainwaves with worry. You could in fact be doing something creative in its place. This of course would benefit you greatly and also those around you. So do us all a favour and stop worrying so much.
I am you and you still fascinate me so much. I do not get us sometimes, but I most certainly want to learn as much as possible to get the root of what ails us so frequently. I admittedly worry that this part of us will last a lifetime and the struggle will never cease. It does not mean to say that I will just lie down and take it though. There are options and I will explore all of them if necessary. I intend to do the best I can and wish this it has worked by the time you read this.
I have witnessed myself maturing mentally of recent. I have begun to let go of my child like ways and cautiously step into the real world. From my end, I will do my best for you. I will then leave it in your hands and I believe in you.
Remember, do not worry so much, do new things, be grateful, be one with your mind, do not let it become your enemy, smile and go outside!
Whatever you end up doing, make sure you do it well. You are capable and I would love to see you achieve your true potential. It is okay to believe in yourself, you know that, right?
Sara, just go for it.