Still Here

You may have been wondering where I have been, you may not care. Either way, I thought I would drop in and explain my silence.

I have been around, just not here on WordPress. I spoke not too long ago about feeling as though there was a disconnect between myself and my writing. The truth is that I write as a coping mechanism for my anxiety and depression and I have been feeling fine. I am torn between thinking this is a good thing and a crying shame.

I miss writing, I really do. It is just that it is not I who had abandoned ship, it is my creativity. Poems and words used to pop into my head and swirl around until I wrote them down. They would form into something I thought was worthwhile and then I would share them with you.

As well as missing that spark I had for writing, I also miss you guys. I miss getting to know you. I miss our interactions and the bonds that I formed with a lot of you.

I don’t want you to think that I left silently in the night and abandoned you. I’m still very much here and reachable. I am still around if you need somebody to talk to.

I wrote before about actually doing something about my miserable status instead of just writing I would do something. As you may tell by my absence, I did something. My anxiety was controlling my life. I was living in fear of everything and nothing. I did not know what it would be that would help me get over that, but I found something. To a lot of you, this next part might make you sigh or roll your eyes, but it is my story and I have to tell it how it is.

Video games! Video games have helped my immensely with coping with my demons. Now, I have not been just sitting in front of the television shooting zombies. I have become a streamer. Which basically means that I share my game-play live with others. I interact with them, I network, I use my creativity to make my little space my own. I started streaming as a way to cope with my social anxiety and it has become something much more. It is helping me become more organised, more committed to my word and above all else, I have literally been too busy to even notice my anxiety. He is just sitting there in the corner tapping his foot impatiently. Sorry anxiety, not today!

I never thought that I would find a way to come out of my own head prison, but I did. The darkness has faded and I feel like I have the chance of being myself. I can talk to people now and feel confident doing so. I am finding my personality and letting it shine. All in all I feel happier.

This doesn’t mean that I have abandoned you guys or this platform. I love it here and I love you. You have helped me in many ways and I have not forgotten this. Writing is a passion of mine and I do hope one day that the spark will return.

If for some bizarre reason you missed me, you can find me here. I know that gaming is not for everyone, but a large element of my streaming is chatting with my viewers. In fact it is the most important part. So, if you ever wanted to get to know me more than the words I write here, that is a good place to go.

How are you doing? I know it has been a while, but I am still very much interested.

Until next time, sending you love and hugs!

-Sara

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