It has been a while since I wrote here and was really real with you.
I must admit, I am still a little in limbo but this time in the digital world. It seems no matter what I try, balance is forever elusive!
I think if we are honest with ourselves, we all want an identity, to be noticed, to be thought of.
At this point in time, I do not even know how I would identify myself. In a variety of communities, I am the gamer, the streamer, the girl who tweets silly things, the girl with the mental health issues, the British girl in Sweden, the girl who writes poetry, the girl who draws, the girl who is writing a book which still is not finished.
The thing is, I am a bit of all of those things, but I do not feel like I have a platform to be everything in one place and so I have to section myself off into different platforms and it is difficult to fully be myself online. This has led to a real struggle with my online presence as my energy seems to only be enough for one area at a time. For example, if my energy is poured into streaming, then my blog takes a hit, it becomes abandoned. Something that upsets me greatly, as writing is something I love dearly. If I try to concentrate on my blog, then sometimes it will change my mood, persona and I get to a place where I do not feel like entertaining. For anybody who manages to balance all of these communities, I applaud you. I have no idea how you do it.
Ideally, there would be a platform where I could fully be myself, but I do not think there is such a place. I think on a whole, if there are those who follow me everywhere, they are able to gauge me better as a person, instead of those who only see one or two sides of me. I think this may be the same for a lot of people, having to section off parts of themselves to essentially fit in with the crowds they run with. I think it may be perhaps normal and some people manage it better than others.
To clarify, I am always myself, wherever I am. I just feel like I have to hold back certain sides of me, depending on where I am.
I suppose as I make it down to the bottom of this post, I know who I am fully, but you perhaps do not. I still need to work on balance, but I am sure over time, I will master that and it is a me problem.
If you have made any sense of this, please let me know your opinion on the matter and if this is something you struggle with too.
I went on a trip this weekend and took some pictures, so I will be sharing those with you on the next post.
Until next time, wrap up warm, it is cold outside!