Online Connections

Recently I have been pondering online connections and today I was speaking about it with a friend. We were both completely honest when we stated that we got sucked into the world on online validation. It is so easy to do so.

I have a love/hate relationship with social media and each time I have qualms with it, I become more distant  from the whole thing and guess what? My life is no worse off for it. In fact it makes zero difference at all to my quality of life. If anything, I have more time to be productive. Like everything, there are pros and cons to having an online presence. At the moment I am toying with the concept of how present I want to be.

Over the many many years I have spent using the internet, I have made hundreds of connections with people from all over the world. Some of them blossomed into real life friendships, some of them fizzled to nothing, some of them even caused stress and drama in my life. It is difficult to decipher how healthy these “relationships” are and I do not think there Is any way to really tell.

On one hand, if you hold off making connections with people online then you might miss out on meeting your best friend, or the person you spend the rest of your life with. On the other hand, if you connect with too many people, you end up being too indulged in their worlds that you lose a lot of time in your own world. A lot of the time, I have wondered if it was worth it and truthfully 9/10 times it was not.

Moderation I think is the key here. It is not realistic to be friends with everybody, it just is not feasible. If you try, you will burn yourself out. Trust me, I know from experience. I believe another reason is quantity over quality is never a good thing in any context.

I spent a lot of my time being there for a lot of people and it got to a point where I had so many voices coming at me left, right and center that I could no longer hear my own thoughts. It got too much and I was the only one to blame. I offered an ear to one person, then another and so on until my support structure got too heavy and collapsed. I meant well, but it was not realistic and so I have had to take a huge step back and  reevaluate my stance on things.

At first I felt guilty because I thought I was letting people down, but eventually I reached the conclusion that if I do not look after myself, I will be no good to anybody. I also noticed that there were a fair few people taking advantage of my kindness and that really pushed me over the edge when it came to wanting to connect with anyone anymore.

I find myself at a bit of an impasse right now and I am sure I am not the only person to have found themselves in this situation. So I would like to know what you think? How involved do you find yourself in online connections and what are your pros, cons and experiences when it comes to it?

I have a sneaky feeling that there are so many insights to the subject and I am truly interested in seeing things from different perspectives.

Until next time, it is okay to put yourself first sometimes!

-Sara

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58 Comments

  1. I’m concerned the intent of the internet (by some of the unknown entities) is to suck humanity through its portal over a span of time. To do so- these entities, must make us complicit sycophantic’s. What better way than to create a social world of mystifying connections. Plausibility meets the hope of possibility. Albeit, I myself have made some great friends, who mostly and over time…disappear. And to be a bit more honest, I myself have left some behind. I can only suspect, they’ve burned out, just as you suggest or woke up in reality far from the net to connect…humanly.

    I believe true romantic connections can also be made, unfortunately and far too easy for us. After all, who really wants to dare be that relationships hero…or victim?

    Like

    1. The internet is certainly a heavy distraction for many, as far as I can see. I suppose if you’re happy and going with the flow then more power to you, I tend to not be though and so I am left questioning it every now and then. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Definitely, definitely take care of the self first. Otherwise there will be nothing to be friends with left. You create much more fruitful relationships as well when the self taken care of.

    In terms of being friends in the online world, I think there are a huge amount of quality friendships that can be built. And yes, if you tend to each of them, over time they can burn you out. But that is the beauty of quality friendships, is that no matter how much time passes before you are able to connect again, whether through the work you met through, or streaming, social media, art etc, the friendship is just as it was the last time you connected.

    Others are just meant to do fly by’s and bring something new to your life and continue moving through and doing that for others. Others will stick around. Moderation is definitely an awesome thing when it comes to connecting with each of those quality friendships, but it doesn’t mean just because you haven’t connected with one in a while, that it never existed or has been lost.

    I have food in front of me and you got my mind going again. Lol!

    I do hope you find the quietness from within that you are looking for – we all deserve that and you are no different. =)

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  3. @Amir, you seem like an asshole or weirdo. That’s how I see your comments since we are sharing our opinions, i mean dayum. Disagree? Move on bruh. Don’t leave your energy here, take it elsewhere. Sara was sharing her point of view and whether you agree or disagree holds no barrings on it. Don’t you have someone else to troll on? #getareallife #gooutside #weirdo

    Liked by 1 person

  4. For me, initially “online friends” sucked me in! Chat rooms and whatnot were where I spent all my extra time. But as you mentioned, I was losing myself and for relationships that for the most part were not real. Moderation is key! After all, I did meet the love of my life online so it can’t be all bad!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I can so relate to this! I closed my Facebook account a few years ago and was terrified to do it, because of the exposure for my writing. But, I’m better off without it. You’re right, you’ve got to think about yourself. If you don’t, who will? Nice read, Sara.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Your writing always resonates with me, but this in particular! I’ve had a lot of good and bad experience with connections made online. I deactivated my Facebook a while back, for a few reasons. People I knew in person were actually using it to sabotage my business, and an ex-boyfriend (whom I met online to begin with) has been using it as a means of stalking me for close to a decade. There’s a long story behind that, but there’s not a lot of protection online. Even so, some of the connections I’ve made (particularly here, while reading and blogging myself) have been incredibly meaningful. I wish that I had known more about protecting your own identity and online safety when I was younger, but I can’t discount my experiences connecting to people online either, because it has contributed to who I am today.
    Not to mention I really have met some incredible people, too!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You’re right about keeping a balance. I got so empty at one point that I deleted a pretty big, very busy blog. I didn’t come back for two years. I learned that what I produce is what I give. I am a writer, not a therapist. I do love making acquaintances though. Again, balance.

    Liked by 2 people

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