Late Night Ramblings

Oh, I remember the sweet feeling of falling asleep, dreaming (often freakish dreams) and waking up at a reasonable time the following morning. I would feel rested.

But, not often than I would like, my dear old friend insomnia pops round for a cup of tea and does not leave for weeks! I will give you one guess as to who showed up uninvited a couple of weeks back. You guess it, ten points to you.

I have what I call intermittent insomnia. I have had this since I was about 12 years old and apparently one does not grow out of it.

Sometimes it is triggered by overwhelming thoughts, or worry. Other times it just feels like I have not been restless for a while and that just will not do.

This time around, it is the former. I have been kept awake due to pains I have endured, until it got to the point where I was used to not sleeping. If I am lucky I will fall asleep if I am truly exhausted, but it will not be for long. I will wake up at 1am, 5am and 7am. By 7am I just give up with the attempts at sleeping and hope I am exhausted enough to fall asleep the following night and thus the cycle continues.

I have not had a decent nights sleep for , must be, three weeks now and here I am at 1:53am, wide awake. I honestly do not know how it is humanly possible, because I feel like I should be feeling like I could sleep for a week.

Having all of this extra time of course could be a God send, but I am spending all of my time trying to convince myself to go to sleep that nothing productive comes of it. The most I will do is read or play silly games on my phone.

I do not know what is worse: broken sleep, or no sleep at all. Either way, I have forgotten what it feels like to be well rested.

At this point, I doubt there is anything substantial on my mind, keeping me awake. I think now it has become habitual and I now have to figure out how to break the habit for the hundredth time.

I know I will be able to do it. The question is when. I hope soon, because I do enjoy a good snooze and I miss my dreams.

Until next time, sleep soundly.

-Sara

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54 Comments

      1. I will get another. Done massive spring cleaning here. Cheyenne made an incredible mess in this place ๐Ÿ˜Š

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      2. You know me. Can relate to the sleeping patterns since 12 stuff… same with a lot of my depression and anxiety then post trauma stress. Sleep is so so important for us.
        Going to make some slight adjustments to my health care plan too. Had a nurse make a bad call last week and realized it was up to me to change it. A lot, though not all, people working in mental health do not empathize or get what a mental illness actually is if we are not criminals. Criminals here seem to get all the perks. People like us who had legitimate reasons to stop sleeping young are boring to them and probably not worth money.
        Barracking for you Sara

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  1. Not sleeping is the pits. I am lucky enough to mostly just need a pillow and I am asleep, but on the rare occasion when something keeps me awake I know how terrible I feel the next day.
    Have you tried Audible. Listening to a story may relax you enough and keep your mind off what is bothering you. Maybe enough to fall asleep.
    It is always tempting to get up and get on the laptop or mobile, but screen time unfortunately just makes sleeping even harder.
    Hope you find rest tonight and wake up fully recharged Sara

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sorry to read about the insomnia, Sara… I don’t know what that’s like. I only lost sleep in very stressful short periods of time in my life. But I can imagine how physically and mentally exhausting it must be to be seeking rest for so long… Sending you a *big hug* and warmest thoughts! I hope Morpheus will visit you soon ๐Ÿ˜‰ xx

    Liked by 1 person

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